A parent new to Facebook

[DollyP]

I've never had any interest whatsoever in Facebook (or any social networking) and don't have a Facebook page. My daughter (age 14) however does have one and I've found out that she has been posting things on other people's pages that can only be described as bullying.

The time has obviously arrived for me to rouse myself and get on Facebook. My problem is that I think she can hide things on her Facebook page so asking her to show me her page/profile might not help me. What I need to be able to do is to find a way to let me see and monitor everything that she is doing. Pointers to how to go about this or to relevant tutorials would be helpful.

(Needless to say she is banned from her computer for the time being, but I am conscious that Facebook is part of her life and her contact with all her schoolfriends. That and her Blackberry.)

David

[StuartR]

I've moved this post from the Scuttlebutt Forum to the Social Networking Forum, which is a better place for discussion of Facebook and similar tools.

I really feel for you over this situation, but at least you are trying to do something about it - unlike many parents. Unfortunately technical controls are only of limited use in this kind of circumstance. To answer the specific question that you asked. Here is a pointer to reviews of Parental Control & Monitoring Programs. I have never used any of these, and how effective they are depends on how sophisticated your daughters IT skills are, so you can never completely trust them.

I think that your best option is to work with your daughter, and to get her to help you work out how you can monitor what she does online. This may feel like an invasion of privacy to her, but she will have to accept that this kind of behavior causes her to lose the right to privacy.

[Bigaldoc]

I've never had any interest whatsoever in Facebook (or any social networking) and don't have a Facebook page. My daughter (age 14) however does have one and I've found out that she has been posting things on other people's pages that can only be described as bullying.

The time has obviously arrived for me to rouse myself and get on Facebook. My problem is that I think she can hide things on her Facebook page so asking her to show me her page/profile might not help me. What I need to be able to do is to find a way to let me see and monitor everything that she is doing. Pointers to how to go about this or to relevant tutorials would be helpful.

(Needless to say she is banned from her computer for the time being, but I am conscious that Facebook is part of her life and her contact with all her schoolfriends. That and her Blackberry.)

I think you are doing what you CAN do to monitor this situation. Going along with Stuart's comments, here's an excerpt from Facebook's Help pages that states what their obligations and rights are:

• • "We appreciate your concern for your child's use of our website, but unfortunately we cannot give you access to the account or take any action on the account at your request. We are generally forbidden by privacy laws against giving unauthorized access to someone who is not an account holder. Please note that all users ages 13 and older are considered authorized account holders and are included in the scope of this policy.
    
    We encourage parents to exercise any discretion they can on their own computers and in overseeing their kids' internet use. If you are a parent, you might also consider using software tools on your own computer in order to do so. Please do a search for computer-based Internet control technology on your preferred search engine to discover options that you may wish to pursue."
    

So it's clear that it won't do YOU any good to have a Facebook account. You can only do what you're already doing - deal with your child face to face.

[stuck]

(Needless to say she is banned from her computer for the time being, but I am conscious that Facebook is part of her life and her contact with all her schoolfriends. That and her Blackberry.)

As a first step back to 'free' use of her computer you might want to consider only allowing her access to it in a shared room, like the living room. That way you/your wife will be present as she uses it. As you talk her and teach her about how trust has to be earned you can start by watching over her shoulder, before moving to the other end of the sofa then on to another chair in the room.

The key will be lots of talking to get past the immediate, "It's not fair that you took my computer away." angst and on to the real issues of trust, respect, personal responsibility, etc. However, as a teenager is involved I fear there will be much door slamming involved as well.

Ken

[StuartR]

I have moved some replies to this thread into a separate thread of their own, so that we can keep the two discussions separate.

I don't know if any of the advice here will be of any help, but you may want to review http://www.staying-safe.org which is a recently created site offering advice on Internet safety to parents of young people