It’s enough to make you not weep ...

[ChrisGreaves]

So my recipe for baked beans calls for three pounds of onions, diced and then browned over a two-hour period.
Dicing is a bit dicey, it is, as they say, to weep for,

Today in a rare stroke of insight on my part I aimed my pedestal fan at my back while I diced, on the grounds that the flow of air would dissipate the fumes before they reached my eyes.
At the least, I reasoned, they should dilute the fume content of the air around my eyes.
It worked.
Cheers
Chris
P.S. Traps for young players: If the fan method fails, remember to rinse the soap well off your hands BEFORE cupping water into your eyes!

[BobH]

I use a different trick for onion weeps.

I first slice the onion from stem to root being careful to split the stem leaving a piece of it on each half. I then peel the half I'm about to slice then trim off the root end, again leaving the stem end intact. I slice and dice until only a small bit of the stem end remains then I toss it.

There is some arcane reason that leaving the stem intact keeps the onion from releasing its fumes. Don't recall where I read this hint, but it works for me. Now, if I could just find a way to slice and dice jalapeños without choking . . .

[HansV]

Onions.gif

[BobH]

Great one, Hans!

[Rudi]

Chew gum
Drink milk
Wear goggles
Have a fan blowing from an angle behind you

All the above works in various degrees.

[John Gray]

Chew gum
Drink milk
Wear goggles
Have a fan blowing from an angle behind you

All the above works in various degrees.

If not goggles, a swimming mask.
[photos required... ]

[John Gray]

Perhaps Chris could attend the Newent Onion Fayre, and enter the onion-eating competition?

[Rudi]

Gosh! Just stay FAR away from these guys a few hours after the competition when they turn into old farts.

[ChrisGreaves]

Gosh! Just stay FAR away from these guys a few hours after the competition when they turn into old farts.

Too late!
And i haven't even been to the festival yet ....

Cheers
Chris

[ChrisGreaves]

...There is some arcane reason that leaving the stem intact keeps the onion from releasing its fumes.

I\ll give this a try, but I recall reading that the fumes come from the crushed/sliced cells, so any way you slice it ...


BTW, our onions here don't have stems. Probably because they don't grow in soil. The grow in clumps in yellow plastic-string bags somewhere in California, and get trucked to Toronto, a large city just 45Km south of Holland Marsh where Ontario grows its onions.
Cheers
Chris

[DaveA]

No Chris, they did have stems but were hacked, to be lighter in weight and cheaper in shipping!

[ChrisGreaves]

No Chris, they did have stems but were hacked, to be lighter in weight and cheaper in shipping!

They ship them cross-country from California by lighter?
Cheers
Chris

[ChrisGreaves]

No Chris, they did have stems but were hacked, to be lighter in weight and cheaper in shipping!

Oh come ON!
Next thing you’ll be trying to convince me that milk doesn’t come in pails.

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(signed) "Gullible" of Toronto

[DaveA]

I milked my share of cows, and no it goes into the pail the you think it comes from.

We also had milking machines. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l4W3C68b_Rg" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

[Rudi]

It's udderly shameful to have kids milk a plywood board!
Where's the real cow?

I've gone pale just thinking of this sad imitation!

[ChrisGreaves]

I've gone pale just thinking of this sad imitation!

It's enough to make you weep!

Cheers
Chris

[John Gray]

Perhaps Chris could attend the Newent Onion Fayre, and enter the onion-eating competition?

And here are the results!

The 23rd annual Newent Onion Fayre in Gloucestershire is dedicated to celebrating the onion.
Organiser Andy Offud said they had received a "record number of entries".
About 20 men and six women gathered on the stage to scoff a whole raw onion in the fastest possible time.

The men are challenged with a raw, peeled 7oz (0.2kg) onion while the women face a slightly smaller 5oz (0.14kg) onion.

Alex Navari won the eye-watering event by polishing off his onion in just 45 seconds, more than 30 seconds quicker than was managed last year.

Lur Equiluz was declared the women's winner when after one minute 16 seconds she was the first to hold up her arms and open her mouth wide for the judges.

Apparently Chris came nowhere...

[ChrisGreaves]

Apparently Chris came nowhere...

Peeling and eating is not my problem vis-a-vis time.
For me it takes some 30 to 40 minutes to caramelize the stuff!
Eating I have got down to about 23 seconds, slightly more if slapped between two slices of home-baked bread.

Cheers
Chris

[PJ_in_FL]

Rudi,

If you want the kids to think it's fun then keep them far away from real cows. Plywood don't kick the bucket over, or hit you in the face with it's tail.

(voice of experience)

[Ramius_Typhoon]

If not goggles, a swimming mask.
[photos required... ]

I have lying around a couple pictures that my wife took of my "genius" method to cut up onions in our small, not-that-ventilated kitchen without crying... She thought I looked glorious in that old Polish gasmask! Which is, by the way, not a good idea, as the lenses don't allow this much of a wide field of vision, and you'll have to do some interesting gymnastics to look at what's happening in front of you with these lenses... and the huge filter hanging under your head and knocking you in the torso if you bend your head too much.