Friday Humor (I Hope!)

[Bigaldoc]

Evidently there IS a South African airline by the name Kulula Airline. The link is here: Kulula Airlines: Flying 101

Here's a picture of one side of the "Flying 101" aircraft:

2010-09-10_161611.jpg

(Does it make you think of anyone we know?)

And here are some "funnies" taken from the alleged dialogues that take place on this airline:

On a Kulula flight, (there is no assigned seating, you sit where you want) passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing, when a flight attendant announced, "People, people we're not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!"

On another flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."

On landing, the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all of your belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have."

"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane."

"Thank you for flying Kulula. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."

As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Durban Airport, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"

After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in the Karoo , a flight attendant on a flight announced, "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted."

From a Kulula employee: " Welcome aboard Kulula 271 to Port Elizabeth.To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised."

"In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are travelling with more than one small child, pick your favourite."

Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Kulula Airlines."

"Your seats cushions can be used for flotation; and in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments."

"As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses.."

And from the pilot during his welcome message: "Kulula Airlines is pleased to announce that we have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!"

On Kulula flight 255 just after a very hard landing in Cape Town, the flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite a bump and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault. It was the asphalt."

On a Kulula flight into Cape Town on a particularly windy and bumpy day, during the final approach the Captain really had to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to The Mother City. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"

Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."

An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying our airline." He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?"
"Why, no Ma'am," said the pilot. "What is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we land, or were we shot down?"

After a real crusher of a landing in Johannesburg , the attendant came on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tyre smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we will open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal.."

Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of Kulula Airways."

Heard on a Kulula flight: "Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing. If you can light 'em, you can smoke 'em."

[Goshute]

The "y'all" is a dead giveaway - these are "borrowed" from Southwest Airlines.

[viking33]

The "y'all" is a dead giveaway - these are "borrowed" from Southwest Airlines.

Nah, Good old Southwest takes a bum rap.
Al said it was SOUTH African Airlines. Hence, the y'all.

[rettingr]

I did hear a couple good ones from a fun loving (I hope) steward on Southwest last week. It was a nearly empty flight and some folks did select seats in the same row with other folks. This was probably unnecessary, but I sat next to my boss to allow us to talk business on the short flight. But the steward during his announcements and briefing did make the rather comical (and could have be crude) comment of "We do have a very empty plane for this flight, so if you did choose to sit in the same row with someone else, especially of the same sex, you might want to ask yourself 'Why'?" It did get quite a few rolling chuckles from the small crowd of passengers, but he did go on to give the abbreviated flight safety briefing with a little humor and had fun with the idea of choosing someone to put the oxygen mask on that looks like they might be a little childish, since there were no kids on the flight... Never a better start to a boring flight in my history of flying is all I have to say.

[Goshute]

Al said it was SOUTH African Airlines. Hence, the y'all.

maybe so, but I have a South African friend who lives in Houton, Texas, and HE doesn't say "y'all".

[Bigaldoc]

And I have a niece who's a stewardess on SOUTHWEST and she doesn't say y'all either.

I'm born and raised in NY and I DO say y'all, constantly! I also pronounce Louisville as LOU-a-vul, especially when we beat 'em in football or basketball.

[Goshute]

I also pronounce Louisville as LOU-a-vul

Too many syllables, Al, the people I know who live there pronounce it Loovl.

[Claude]

(Does it make you think of anyone we know?)

I think you've got the wrong lounge mate

[Bigaldoc]

Oh Yeah? It may be "molten" but it'll always be the same...